Two months ago I had a total replacement of my left knee. It now contains a fair amount of plastic and metal and is the result of a ski accident which occurred in my twenties. My knees have long been problematic. When I watch people comfortably squat on their heels, I shake my head with envy.
This is all to say that I am no stranger to pain.
My husband says I also had a lot of pain with the right knee replacements (there were more than one). Maybe it is like childbirth, the memory of pain is erased as more time elapses. However, the past few months have been, frankly, tough.
I decided I wasn’t going to write about pain until things got better. And now, nine weeks post knee-replacement, they are. So, I’m going to tackle the subject.
Pain is so interesting because it is completely subjective. I don’t know about you, but when medical personnel ask me to rank my pain on a scale of one to 10, I want to use the chart they are holding like a boomerang.
I try, but can’t explain my pain and I can’t give a number to it. Pain is perceived differently by all of us.
My husband, like most men, doesn’t like to talk about his own aches and pains. When he got migraines, he’d give curt replies and then barricade himself in a dark room. I knew better than to bother him with questions or cups of tea. When he doesn’t feel well, he wants to be left alone.
Not me. I want sympathy and concern and I ask for it. Help me. Fix me. Please, someone, give me an answer.
This particular knee replacement left me touchy, grouchy and low. As the weeks went on, I was increasingly discouraged. Was something wrong? Why did it still hurt so much?
When discharged from the hospital after a knee replacement (which, by the way, is only after a single night), you are handed a stack of medications. Most of them are to help with pain.
A knee replacement, not to be overly graphic, involves severing of bone, muscle and nerves. The lower leg has to be attached to the upper with an artificial appliance.
Of course it hurts.
These pain medications are not to be taken lightly. We all know there is an opioid epidemic in America and the medicines prescribed after a total knee replacement are opioids.
I understand completely how easy it is to become addicted to these drugs, yet I watched the clock to see when it was finally time to take another pill.
What relief in that little white pill.
However, with every pill and the relief it brought, I also thought about the risk of addiction.
How long is too long to be on these very excellent pain relievers?
Everyone, friends, relatives, even health professionals, had different answers to "how long is too long to take pain relieving opioids?" Two weeks, four weeks, six weeks.
Someone said, as long as you’re taking pills for actual pain, you won’t get addicted.
Wrong.
There is lots of evidence to the contrary. I struggled with this, eventually weaning myself off the heavy drugs, but still experiencing a lot of pain.
I had a serious talk with my surgeon at a post-operative visit.
“Why does it still hurt so much,” I asked. “Please talk to me about this.”
My surgeon has a great reputation for his skill, but he is often rushed. I didn’t let him leave, though. I pushed him for an answer.
To his great credit, my surgeon gave me a straight answer.
“I’m a good surgeon,” he said. “But when people, like you, are not having a perfect recovery, I don’t know what to tell them. I don’t have a lot of answers about pain.”
I liked his honesty, but I was discouraged. When would I feel better?
I saw an acupuncturist. Maybe I didn’t stick around long enough, but I jumped when she put those needles in. I already felt like a pin cushion, the acupuncture made me feel worse.
I had a great physical therapist. I liked Rob Rosenberry not only for his skillful approach to treating knee replacement surgery, but also for his kind encouragement and empathy.
“You’re doing everything right,” he said. “Your function is improving. I just don’t know why you are in so much pain. Most people,” he said, “have less pain by this time. But some take longer.”
Finally, last weekend, I woke and realized I had not woke in the night from pain. I actually felt pretty good. It wasn’t gradual, it was kind of sudden.
There could be several reasons: Maybe my physical therapy program was helping. Maybe a new medication prescribed by the doctor to address nerve pain was helping. Maybe it was just time.
But, I cannot adequately express the relief of lessened pain. Suddenly, the sky looked more blue, the vineyards more green, I listened to people with more attention and I even laughed with my husband.
Of course, I feel nervous about writing this. Maybe I am tempting fate and the pain will come back. I’m thinking positive, though. And, I’m hoping it makes me more empathetic to those with chronic or ongoing pain.
Pain is no joke.