Part of what makes the Santa Ynez community so interesting are the people living their second act. These are individuals who bravely make changes in the trajectory of their life.
I feel drawn to those brave people who have left a situation, often not of their own choosing, and created a new chapter for themselves. There are probably as many reasons for making change as there are individuals with second act stories.
I present to you two stories from two very different men, Don Fiore and Bob Oswaks, who took a different path and changed their lives.
One of the most shocking things Don Fiore told me is his age. At 81, he looks like a man in his early 70s, maybe even 60s. He admits that today he is in the best shape of his life, at his peak physically, mentally and spiritually. But, it wasn’t always that way. Don hinted at much darker times.
I met Don, the instructor, at the very first tai chi class I attended. His Jersey accent sounds like a cross between Bruce Springsteen and Tony Soprano (the famous television Mafia boss). I wondered about my tai chi teacher with the tough guy accent. Tai chi is a form of exercise stressing long, gentle movements. The Chinese call it shadow-boxing.
Don told me that for decades he’d been a busy real estate professional. Divorce, deaths of some people close to him, and a deep sense of burn-out made him start looking for another way of life. He took classes in tai chi and soon began studying to be a teacher.
Although Don says he's always had a “helper” type personality, in tai chi, he found his calling for helping people in a deeper, more spiritual way. He uses the metaphor of the rabbit and the turtle frequently in classes, saying that previously, in real estate, he was a rabbit, always in a hurry to get somewhere. Now he is a turtle, still getting where he wants to go, but on a more slow and deliberate journey.
He leads tai chi classes at several churches, the Santa Ynez Mission, senior centers, gyms and for Cottage Hospital employees. In addition, he volunteers with autistic youth. As if this was not enough, he can also be found at the Santa Ynez Valley Therapeutic Riding Program, doing everything from shoveling horse manure to helping riders.
He says in his second act he is more patient and less judgmental than when he sold property. He’s also more spiritual, using aspects of his childhood Catholic faith combined with what he has learned about meditation. He sees how his own life changed in his second act and wants to help others as well.
Maybe it simply coincides with moving to the Santa Ynez Valley, but since taking tai chi classes with Don, my own blood pressure has lowered considerably!
Bob Oswaks also left a hard-driving career, but not completely of his own volition.
In Hollywood, he was a high-level marketing executive at Sony, responsible for selling many of all our favorite television shows around the world. One of his tasks was to reduce corporate costs. Unfortunately, eliminating his own position was found to be the biggest cost reduction.
What was a man too old to begin again in the entertainment industry, but too young to retire, to do?
Baking bread may not be the obvious answer, but it was for Oswaks. It started as a passion project. He wanted to make the best, most delicious bread possible. Famous bakers and food writers in Los Angeles tried his bread and everyone agreed he was more than an amateur. Eventually, he opened Bob’s Well Bread in Los Alamos and the lines snaking out the door tell the story of his success. He says it’s still passion that drives the project, but now it’s a 24/7 business requiring him always to be available.
Along with his wife Jane, Bob’s Well Bread has close to 20 employees. In his former career marketing television shows, he was under constant pressure. Writers, actors, directors made the show, but he was responsible for selling it.
Now, success is measured by the quality of what he himself produces. He derives satisfaction from customers who come back again and again and tell their friends about what delicious food they’ve had.
One still sees glimpses of the hard-driving television executive in Oswaks as he serves people at the counter of Bob’s Well Bread: He’s a no-nonsense guy who can give slow-to-order customers a withering glance. But once they’ve taken a satisfied bite of their chocolate croissant, bagel or scone, they’re ready to line up again.
Don Fiore and Bob Oswaks are living radically different second acts, but what they share is passion for what they do. Whether guiding people to move like a turtle, slowly and deliberately, or baking a perfect croissant, both men are leading lives of admirable fulfillment.